Every now and again an old friend or acquaintance will come to mind and I wonder what they are doing now…where they are. Sometimes I Google to find out. Maybe it’s a way of measuring the length of my days in years? Some time ago I found an artist friend through Facebook that I’d known a dozen years ago and wrote about the encounter in my June 13, 2012 post, art then / art now. A few weeks ago I reconnected with another friend through Facebook that I’d known in the glorious, early 1970s (when some of us were still young and others, not yet born). That was great fun.
Last week…in a more serious mood…I looked for a person I’d known six years ago in a cancer support group. I’d been thinking about him for a while. I wanted to thank him for all the invaluable help he’d given me—help that changed the course of my recovery for the better. We both have a form of incurable lymphoma that can capriciously become active or lie inactive at will. I’ve been in remission for five years and wanted to know how he was. I Googled him, and found his name in connection with a cancer support group’s phone listing. I called and was delighted to find that he is a survivor and continuing with his cancer support mission. It felt good to send a message of thanks and affirmation. Many cancer survivors like to pay it forward, including me.
A few days ago, I thought about two persons I’d known from my days in the art world. Despite that association ending badly, I Googled them hoping to find an avenue for constructive reconnection. To my dismay, I found pages and pages of articles linking them and the gallery to fraudulent misappropriation of federal grant funds from 2004-10. I was shocked and wanted to know what had happened. I began reading the articles. When I got to the FBI Press Release dated December 14, 2011— what I considered the most reliable—I stopped to take stock. My partner and I had known these women for many years. Until my last show in their gallery in 2002, we had considered them close friends. The exhibition—Inheritance: art and images beyond a silenced genocide—was a production showcasing Armenian-American artists and the Armenian people. It was nearly a year’s work and a major undertaking for me as artist, curator and producer.
A few weeks before the exhibition opened, our tax preparer urged us to ask the two women for an accounting of the money contributions that had been donated toward funding the show. Asking for an accounting touched off a firestorm of angry accusations toward us, and threats to cancel the show, which put me in a state of ongoing anxiety for the two months of the show’s run in the gallery. Naively, we assumed the contributions that came in from our contacts were earmarked and set aside. We had virtually no understanding of non-profit gallery operations at that time, and no idea of the potential threat this request to the gallery directors would be.
Historically, the gallery had been an important outreach to the community and an alternative for rising artists to the traditional, market-based gallery system. I do not know how the current situation happened, when, or why it happened. I only know my own experience in what would be my last show there. It had been my labor of love. We were fortunate to receive in-kind donations that included a four-color catalog, marketing/advertising help and a marvelous array of catered, Armenian food and drink for the opening reception.
Everything was in order, but the enmity that ensued—the demands and constant threats to close the show at a moment’s notice made a basket case of me for most of that time. Trust was broken on all sides. What had been friendship for many years became a battleground and a living hell. I didn’t understand it then and mourn the emptiness of it all now. I am sorry to have lost the friendship we had with these two very interesting women, but in light of this new information I am thankful to be on this side of current events…thankful…but still sad to have all that collateral damage sitting in the roadway of my past. I cannot think of it without great regret for relational carelessness and wasted time.
Looking back, I remember the government shutdowns of arts funding hitting the small enterprises hardest. I am not excusing anyone or anything, merely seeing two sides of what has become the vanishing coin of the power-elite. I have compassion for these two people, regardless of circumstances, because I knew them at their sincere best…maybe not as deeply as I’d thought, but well enough. We are all looking for our way…our path in life. I am sorry about detours and sink holes and broken pavement. I do not know where these women are today, or how they are coping. There is nothing online past December 2011, so I assume the allegations are still pending. I am a bit of an idealist. I love resolution and reconciliation. I would like that with these two, but I dare not dream of it. I don’t really know how to swim with the bigger fish and my skin has not yet hardened. ~¿
Waiting
can i just say…..
Tags: anxiety, TV-Movies-Etc.
It’s Friday and I really wanted to write this post on Monday when a poor night’s sleep the night before caused me a full day of misery, but didn’t get to it, so I will have my say today. It’s Friday.
My friend, Queen Bee, when deeply moved one way or another, precedes a salient point with the phrase: “Can I just say…?” What follows can fall anywhere on the continuum of easy-to-hard-to-hear messages. I don’t expect what I have to say is particularly moving to anyone, so I’m going to borrow from QB and say as she so successfully does: Can I just say… that I find the popular television show, Mad Men annoyingly unconscionable? Of course the appropriate question is why do I watch it? It is one of the very few well written, well acted programs on that vast expanse of sandy desert called television entertainment. That is why I started watching in its first season. This season I realized that the rank immorality of the entire cast of characters was giving me nightmares, so I began recording the shows to watch during the day when I would not only have time to recover, but could fast-fast forward through whatever I wished. Believe me (if you like), there are scenes one can intuit without any sound at all. This gives me a modicum of control, while still being able to enjoy the several pluses of the show.
Last Sunday was a lovely day and I felt like watching a good show before bedtime. I thought I could handle the mad men and women of Madison Avenue and gave it a shot. It is amazing how little movement toward integrity, and human decency there is in this series. No one moves off dead-center of negativity for any length of time. Each episodes ends with another installment of the tragic, human comedy. I do not find any characters to cheer for. None are particularly likable. All are filled with shadow and longing for a light they cannot see. The majority of them are chain smokers, alcoholics and workaholics with untameable sexual proclivities…a desperate lot. It is a cautionary tale.
I remember the 60’s. I was not working on Madison Avenue, but I was alive and an adult member of society. I do not recall any of this excess. I do recall a general use of Valium, however. People drank and smoked, but if to this extent, I must have been comatose to it. So, what do we have here? Let’s get the details and the credits down before I continue on my rant.
Mad Men, created by Matthew Weiner, is an AMC production airing Sunday nights at 9 central/10 east coast. Jon Hamm, as the star, plays Don Draper, a handsome hunk of a leading man with a shadowy past and a sordid present. He is professionally successful, but personally without moral compass. This year the writers are throwing in little fish hooks of hope here and there, but the episodes all end in moral calamity nonetheless. This is not entertainment—at least not for me. But the show is immensely popular and has a website, blog and a faithful set of followers. I do not venture onto this website or this blog. I am concerned that I may find even more to rant about. I do not need to take on the angst of the populace. I have enough of my own.
Last Sunday I watched and had a very difficult night of painful dreaming. The next day was a loss in many ways. I slept poorly and that never goes down well for me and my disposition. So this week I will return to my plan of letting the DVR record for discriminant viewing on a day, and at a time when I am ready for Mr. Weiner’s view of life in the 60’s on Madison Avenue. I do wish he would get on with it.