Archive for the 'Emerging Christianity' Category

28
Oct
09

catalyst or cadillac

Not long ago  a member of the Menno Neighbors listserv asked me if I would attend the yearly meeting in New York City. I replied that I wouldn’t be going and gave several reasons for my decision. The first had to do with being an intuitive/heart person and not much of a strategist. The rest of the reasons had to do with scheduling, which I now, in sounder mind, see that I have muddled up in the same fashion I managed to make myself a year older than I am (Oct. 20, 09 posting).

My MN friend replied that non-linear types are needed as well and why not lend a hand? As the day wore on and more little promptings crept in from other corners, I began to pay attention and felt a tiny bit chastised. So I shared this with my partner, BD and friend, AD at dinner and got more admonition to attend. This time the tone of it was inescapably reasoned and direct. More chastening. When the four winds bring the same or similar message to me, this is  how I know the Lord is trying to get my attention. Well, their urging and AD’s offer to go along with me put my intuition into drive and I set about checking on the details of this event, my own calendar and so on. As I said, the calendar problem had been my chemobrain/aging  folly. Little by little the whole thing took shape and the NY meeting is now on my calendar. I will be going despite my dislike of traveling anywhere that prevents me from sleeping in my own bed and bedroom! I am grateful to be going with AD and not completely alone. But I have the feeling that eventually God will send me somewhere on my own and I will have to deal with that…but not this time. Whew!

My hesitation about this meeting…that I wouldn’t have anything to contribute beyond my own passionate nature—that I would not be able to back up anything I said with facts and resources that the thinking/mind people generally want to hear was silenced by the Holy Spirit who whispered: Fear not…I have called you by name…the deep waters shall not overwhelm you…  I heard that in my memory and in my soul. It was a call to once again step out beyond my comfort level and trust that I will be given all that I need to be there in a helpful way. I was reminded in yet a different light that  God so often endows the least with much to carry forward. It is a good place to be as long as one doesn’t take God’s gifts as one’s own doing—always a pitfall.

I am reminded of an encounter I had with a healer in 2007, several months after my last chemotherapy cycle, who told me clearly that I was a catalyst…that was my place in life, to be a catalyst. We deferred to saying Cadillac instead, being somewhat uncomfortable with the fallout from catalytic action, but apparently this was prophecy because that is pretty much all I am called to be, as I have no great solutions of my own to the various problems currently making their way through my life. Some readers will recall the  extraordinary battle for membership in my former congregation, which ended in pain and agony for us and many others as well. Since my encounter with the Divine during my cancer treatment, I have gone through many high rivers, They have hurt and agonized me, but and none have overcome me. In fact, God has drawn nearer and I sometimes wonder if I am the same person I knew for most of my life. Chemo changes your DNA; God changes your life and the Spirit finds a home within.

So…catalyst is good. I can live comfortably with that, because it’s like yeast…biblical yeast. Last night, in my Sacred Space prayer book, I read

What is the kingdom of God like? And to what should I compare it? It is like a mustard seed…  (Luke 13:18-21)

The meditation following suggests another image of the Kingdom:

…yeast in dough, working for good even when unseen. Lord, I feel safer as yeast, working invisibly and unnoticed. I do not look to see results, just to know that I am an active part of your kingdom.

Yeast is a catalyst. I am content to be just that and leave the fine tuning to those who do it best.




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