20
Aug
10

thinking of you

Today I found a little drawing by a very talented young girl from the church Big Dawg, Adopted Daughter Bettina and I attended until June, 2009. It was given to Bettina shortly before she died last March. The drawing was of a beautiful horse with a coat of many colors. At the top of the drawing this little girl placed a perky little pink flower with green stem and leaves. At the bottom, beneath the colorfully happy horse she wrote: I’m thinking of you.

This artwork had been amongst a pile of things collecting for months on the table next to my computer desk. Why I saw it today and not yesterday, or the day before, I don’t know. I saw it today—early this morning as I booted up and began my electronic day. Looking at it—its simple beauty took me by surprise as though I hadn’t seen it months ago, when it first came to Bettina’s bedside. She was always so happy to have these gifts from children. From child to child is how it went. I’m thinking of you, it said; and so I am, and do, and did all day long.

I decided to add another posting to her blog, Longing for Light. I called it Hovering, and published the drawing with it. Afterward, I worked again at thinning down her last few belongings…the ones most difficult to deal with. The most difficult thing was reading through the letters she had written…remembering all of the good and all of the painful things that ran through our knowing each other. I made some progress, mostly organizing and separating things for final distribution. There isn’t a lot, just a couple of small boxes, but it was difficult and I thought about her all day long.

I’m thinking of you, Tina…and the sadness returned.

Hovering: Tina promised to hover. She told everyone she would learn to hover. I don’t know if she has learned, or is learning, or maybe flunked 101. I don’t dream about her, don’t have visions, don’t feel her presence…except when my little cat Bella jumps up to sleep with me at night. At that moment I feel Tina…as though Bella brings her to me. I am especially glad when Bella chooses to come right up to my chest, settles down and stretches out there. I say, “Hi, Tina, where have you been?”

So this is Bella…or Tina…or just a pretty orange tabby. You can decide.

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6 Responses to “thinking of you”


  1. August 20, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    Hi Naomi…What a beautiful writing. I loved it.

    It was so nice to see you and Judy….I hope that I have the correct website. I get a little confused about the websites?

    Have a good week end.

    Thinking of you….Janet

  2. August 20, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    That is an awesome awesome Cat…My dear Jaz is at the vet’s overnight because of some teeth extractions…He was vulnerable and I got a scary call from the vet..but it seems he will be Ok. I visited him twice. I just lost his sibling in Feb..and still not over that. Janet

    • 3 Naomi
      August 21, 2010 at 7:38 am

      Our animals love us as we are. It’s very painful to lose them. I hope Jaz will get better. Some of our cats have lost teeth and they manage to get along quite well. Prayers for Jaz.

  3. 4 judy
    August 21, 2010 at 8:00 am

    You were… and remain… the link for Bettina.
    You and darling daughter were her dearest and most trusted people.
    Sorting through memories….
    This will go on for awhile.

  4. 5 janie
    August 23, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    I can tell you from very long and very personal experience that the feelings of sadness associated with loss likely will continue to come and go over the years. You wrote this several days ago, but I am reading it today, which marks 48 years since I lost a friend when I was just a 16-year-old. I presume there will always be sadness mixed in with the joy of living, though lots of life has marched through the years in these last 48 years…


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