there is now

My days have a quality of completeness…each one complete in itself. This is a very curious thing to me. I’ve always been a person connected to tomorrow, next week, next month…always looking ahead with lists and plans. Now my lists are contained and geared to completing each day without something important being forgotten. I am a care-giver for adopted daughter and I do this whole-heartedly, because our relationship no longer has tomorrows and next years in it. It is now…today…this minute, this hour. There will be no retirement for the three of us…no peace van  with satellite dish on top to roam the country like a traveling road show. There is now and I am thankful for that.

AD calls me mama all the time now and I respond naturally. I am old enough to be her mama. We met shortly after her mother’s untimely death. Her mother and I were close to the same age at the time. I wonder if I could have been a good mother to one as talented, smart and…dare I say it… headstrong as AD? I doubt it. In those days I was barely able to keep house and home together. I have grown through the years. No going back.

Today I am more than I was a year ago. There is a part of me that has blossomed because of our friendship. In the last couple of weeks we have come to call ourselves “a good team” and that is true. We are a good team for progressive change—making things happen. I am the emotional-intuitive. She is the intuitive-analytical. Together we make a good team and we continue to be that until she slips off into the last days and hours. And maybe even then, I might find it continues. She says she will be hovering and I will know. It has been my experience that persons important to me lie deep in my heart after they pass away—become part of me.

This is AD’s favorite picture of herself…

6 Responses to “there is now”

  1. 1 Anne
    February 26, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    Sweet picture. I sense the deepening that is happening day by day. This is good.

  2. 2 Janie
    February 27, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    Adorable photo…I thought at first it was Lilianna. Only after you told us who it was did I recognize it as Bettina. A hearty dose of appreciation to both team members for who you are as individuals and who you’ve become as a team! Love to all…Janie

  3. 4 Karena
    March 3, 2010 at 10:39 am

    I am so amazed at the workings of God: how things come together for those that love, for the miracle that set in place Bettina coming to live with you – for God’s perfect timing, for her being there with you both when she needs you most, for the example of a life lived with intention, love and grace…. Grace extended to all of us
    xox K

    • 5 Naomi
      March 3, 2010 at 1:12 pm

      Amazing Grace How Sweet The Sound…

      Thank you. I know your wings are beating in prayerful appreciation of God’s love in all the ways it manifests. Thank you dear friend. Naomi

  4. 6 Judy Berns
    March 7, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    As I came into Terry’s life by a miracle of God, so you and Judy are in Bettina’s; and thus we see the greatest miracle of all, God’s love for us and through us for each other. I send my love and my prayers and my fervent wish for a gentle passing into God’s hands.

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February 2010

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