round two

It was snowing this morning—first snowfall of the season. My appointment with the thyroid doctor wasn’t until 3:00 in the afternoon. Driving in falling, wet snow made me apprehensive. I didn’t need snow and I was beginning to feel low and moody. Tried to get my appointment moved up and couldn’t, so I went out, shoveled the entire driveway, and place my car in an easy to exit position in the garage. While shoveling I became lower yet and sadly, began to feel angry. What about? I didn’t know. Everything.

After shoveling, I hung my wet coat and hat to dry and proceeded to begin my day at the computer. Within minutes, the doctor’s office called to ask me if I could be there in half an hour. Absolutely. Thank you God. No fender-benders for me. I got myself together and set out. The snow stopped falling. The streets were navigable and I arrived 10 minutes early.

I received an ultrasound prior to the visit with the doctor. Back to the waiting room. In another 10 minutes, while I was in a little room waiting for the doctor, my cell phone rang. It was a member of my welcoming church asking about my well-being and telling me I was greatly cared about. I became teary and realized I had been fearful of this visit. I knew about the fear of the oncology visit looming ahead for tomorrow and  the CT scan aftermath still fresh in my mind, but I wasn’t aware of being concerned about the thyroid situation. Maybe it was all one big ball of wax, as they say.

Well, maybe there is something to this look on the bright side thing, or maybe it’s faith…my thyroid blood levels are now normal, the larger tumor is shrinking to an acceptable size, and the smaller one hasn’t grown. Yeah, for the home team! Relief and joy. So glad this doctor chose to treat pharmaceutically rather than surgically. I even got a free sample of my expensive osteoporosis drug! Do I feel sorry for the snit I was in earlier in the morning? Not really. I am so much just a human being. No spiritual giant, I. We do the best we can by the grace of God and s/he does the rest. Joy!

So tomorrow I go to the cancer clinic, learn the results of the CT scan and receive what is expected to be the last lymphoma maintenance treatment of Rituxan. I’m counting on the scan showing no recurrence and the Rituxan experience truly being the last of too many (in my opinion). But…let me not deceive you…regardless of what I say there is still the shadow within that fears and apprehends. Here is where my childhood training of holding the doctor in high regard comes up for air. Let me hear this man of dubious magic say: “You’re doing well, Ms. Called by Name. I see nothing to be concerned about. I’ll see you in 3 months. Have a nice holiday!” Sigh…. I’ll let you know.

1 Response to “round two”

  1. 1 Anne
    December 9, 2009 at 11:22 am

    Thinking of you today, dearheart, and praying for good news all around.

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December 2009

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