nothing lasts forever

Today is another gloomy day in the weird summer of 2009. It has been rainy and cold, more like October except that the sun is not in it’s comfy  October spot and doesn’t give that nice October sheen. I’ve decided to just take as it comes, since I can’t do much about it. We had a few days of authentic summer about two weeks ago…nothing lasts forever. On the positive side, we are greenly saving by not needing air conditioning….can’t think of anything else all that positive. There are a bunch of negatives…too much rain brings too many mosquitos…too few picnics…I could go on. There is probably a lesson in there somewhere.

In the midst of this gloomy summer/fall weather, I’ve been on the receiving end of a number of lessons lately—life lessons. These are not a lot of fun. Generally speaking they tend to be painful and only add value in retrospect. It’s like going through a long tunnel from here to there. It’s dark in there, damp and discomfiting. It can be scary and even painful. You cannot see ahead, only feel. Upon emerging, there’s light and warmth, and maybe a brass band! Looking back to that tunnel, it’s all in a day’s work, unavoidable and definitely past. As a rule, most of us don’t linger remembering  point by point how hard, or how cold, or how painful the journey through the tunnel may have been. We are happy to be here and now—relieved actually.  This is what is said about childbirth: only the joy is remembered, even though for some women the pain  and complications can be unendurable. The newborn is held and cherished. The pain forgotten. This is the beauty of Retrospect: one of God’s great gifts to us.

The tunnel  I find most difficult to travel is called loss. Loss in any form is painful to me, but loss of persons and friendships are at the top of the list. I have lost many in this category through no real fault of my own, rather…time, place and circumstance were the major players. I never chose to be a forerunner in the LGBT effort for a seat at the Vicar’s table. It just happened. One does one’s best before the Lord and either it works or it doesn’t. It didn’t work for my partner and me and I grieve all the losses, all so unnecessary and pointless.

This afternoon a good friend will come by and we will have what we call a “tea party.” This is  a lot of talking, sharing, brain storming, laughing, crying, and of course…tea and sweets. This friend, I still have along with some others, but the many that I had are not with me and I miss them and the church we all worshiped in together.

Now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.  I Cor 13:12

Bird 3x1.361

7 Responses to “nothing lasts forever”

  1. 1 Anne
    July 8, 2009 at 4:17 pm

    I appreciate this window into your thoughts and reflections. Almost as good as a phone call.

  2. 3 Korin Heinz
    July 8, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    This is so sad. I feel the same way about the church and my lost relationship.

  3. 5 judy
    July 8, 2009 at 7:11 pm

    You have such a head for thinking!
    In a few days, you will have added more to your thoughts…more miles on the path… and the size of this “desert to be crossed” will be less.

  4. 6 Janie
    July 8, 2009 at 9:32 pm

    Isn’t that bird the magnificent, soaring creature from the unforgettable Advent journey foursome? It gave me hope then and it gives me hope now…

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